Mount Hebra Times

Sacred Forest Meadow – Lost Woods. While many lament Stalfosized individuals as tragically torn from their loved ones, one family views it differently. A middle-aged woman and her four adult children spread out a picnic blanket next to the meadow gates. The eldest son peers around intently for unwanted intruders, sword sheathed at his side, but also for one expected guest.

“He doesn’t make it to our Unification Day dinner every year, but when he does, it really means a lot to me.” the woman, Daphne Spectacle, states. Stalfos’ minds are irrevocably altered, but some argue that past memories still exist within the shell of the person. Benjamin Spectacle, a now 47-year old Hylian Knight turned Stalfos, actually comes to have to Unification Day Dinner with the family of his previous life.

“He always challenges me to a battle.” Gary Spectacle, Benjamin’s son states. “He was a warrior in life, and he continues that tradition in death.” Gary, an Aspirant in His Majesty’s Knighthood, has wounded his Stalfosized father on four separate occasions.

As the sun set on the Meadow, we heard what the writer would describe as an evil laugh. But to the Spectacle family, it was a welcoming call which signaled the arrival of their husband and father. Gary unsheathed his sword, nodding knowingly at the Stalfos. The Stalfos did the same, and a battle ensued. The Stalfos (or Benjamin, if you prefer), nearly overpowered Gary, but Gary used his mobility to escape the lock and chop off the Stalfos’ arm. The Stalfos retreated, and Gary cavalierly announced, “Don’t worry. It grows back.”

“I think he’s checking in on me, to see if I’m ready to be a full Knight.” Gary said with a tear in his eyes. Then, the Stalfos sat down and watched as the family enjoyed their dinner. After an hour of contact, Daphne Spectacle worked up the nerve to place a hand on her once-husband. The Stalfos did nothing. It did not embrace her, but it also did not hurt her. After a few more moments, Benjamin Spectacle jumped behind the Meadow gates, returning to his life as a Stalfos.

According to medical experts and random children in the forest, there is no cure for being a Stalfos. But perhaps – just perhaps – there is a cure, and kindess is one the key ingredients.