Ganon: “Amiibos are Just Straight-Up Unfair”
Spectacle Rock, Death Mountain – The Dark Lord Ganon sounded off against Amiibo in a thirty minute tirade while addressing his troops. Speaking to the 4th Darknut Batallion (the Fightin’ Nuts), The emperor of the dark realm claimed that Amiibo is ‘worse than the Master Sword’ and that the Hero is ‘lame if he needs to use them’.
“Honestly, I think it’s just a bunch of BS.” Ganon exclaimed to a nodding crowd. “Link already has a Master Sword, a Hookshot, a Bow, Bombs, and 999 Rupees. And now he can just randomly turn himself into a wolf whenever he feels like it. What the heck is wrong with this guy? Is there any tool or ability that he does not have? He must be hard to buy for during the holidays!”
“He calls on the power of Amiibo because he’s afraid of us!” a Darknut shouted. “He’s afraid that darkness will reign, and that it will reign eternal!” The crowd of devoted warriors let out waves of cheers.
“I love your optimism, Jerry, but honestly I think he just likes to collect stuff.” Ganon responded with a sigh. “That guy helped out every Bomber Gang Kid and found every Lost Cucco on his way to Level-5. It was really irritating.”
When asked if Amiibo would affect the outcome of the final battle, Ganon answered by saying, “You’ve got some nerve breaking into Level-9 for your little ‘questions’. Darknuts, take out this trash.” Our correspondent lost one heart during the event, but is now home and safely milking the company for PTO.