Mount Hebra Times

Romani Ranch, Termina – For years now, Terminian ranchers have claimed to witness strange phenomenon late at night. It’s said that mysterious entities from beyond the stars come down to Termina, and they abduct and perform experiments on unsuspecting farmhands. These entities, known mysteriously as Them, have inspired countless campfire stories and mini-games through the generations.

“I’ve been hearing those wild stories since I was my sister’s age, but I don’t know about all that guff!” says Cremia, a local ranch owner. “It’s just a story that parents tell their kids to make sure they come home before dark. Other real dangers, like Tektites, do exist.”

We spoke with Professor Shikashi, chief astronomer at the Clock Town Observatory, and he expressed skepticism about these claims. “The moon is presently on course to crash into the earth. I don’t think that anyone who has a spaceship is sticking around here.”

The owner of the Clock Town Bomb Shop, however, had a different perspective. “I’ve been thinking about space travel since I was a child, and I’ll say this, the Them story really speaks to me. Why are they called ‘Them’? Their language is simplified and streamlined. They don’t have a need for words like ‘they’ or ‘their’ because their culture promotes efficiency. That is the hallmark of an advanced spacefaring civilizaiton. As for the experiments that they’re said to do to people, who can say? We could be the frogs that their middle schoolers dissect.”

Speaking on condition on anonymity, a certain adventurer told us this: “Them exist, but I don’t think they came from the stars. I didn’t need a ray gun to stop them from abducting people. They’re vulnerable to human weapons like Bows and Bombs.” When pressed further on his unilateral decision to start a war with extraterrestrials, the green-clad mystery person said, “If they don’t want a fight, they shouldn’t be abducting people!”