PRINCESS KIDNAPPING: Agahnim Addresses Nation
Hyrule Castle, Hyrule – Princess Zelda has been kidnapped by a green-clad brigand. The Wizard Agahnim announced this shocking news to reporters today, issuing a 500 Rupee reward for Her Majesty’s safe return. The kidnapper, known mysteriously as ‘Link’, acted in collaboration with his uncle – who was mortally wounded in their nighttime raid on the Castle.
We asked around Kakariko Village, a neighboring town, for perspectives on the guilty party. Sarah Sus, a local gardener, explains, “Link is trouble. That’s all I have to say. If you’ve ever owned a vase or a Cucco, then you know that Link kidnapped Princess Zelda.”
King Hyrule was unavailable for comment as he is in a ‘deep state of mourning’. However, Agahnim states, “The very fate of Hyrule rests upon the safe return of Princess Zelda. Our soldiers will not falter, and they will dispose of any who stand in our way. Link, listen well, Justice is coming for you!”
If you have any information about the whereabouts of Princess Zelda or Link, you are required by law to inform castle authorities. Failure to do so will result in fines and imprisonment.